Picking up the thread from a couple of weeks back, I want to discuss correction a little further. We have talked about what correction is, why we must correct, and why our children don’t always love correction. Now, we’ll examine correction that addresses patterns of sin or even besetting sins in our children's lives.

Sometimes, our children have a bigger problem putting off sin than we had hoped. Perhaps it begins with a single event. We correct and move on. Then the very next week, here we are again in the same situation. Coincidence? Maybe. You correct again and move on. But oh, no! In a matter of days, here we are again. Now, to be fair, there are so many variables here that it’s hard to reduce this to a few brief words. For example, the type of sin dictates how we address it. Is it forgetfulness, gossip, disobedience, disrespect, unkindness, laziness? And there are plenty of other variables, as well, that have a bearing on how we proceed. We can’t get into all those methods here, so we’ll stick to a conversation about principles.  

The problem here is not a one-off event; rather, it is deep-rooted sin that has become ingrained in the life of your child. It didn’t happen overnight, so it isn’t going to be fixed overnight. It needs immediate attention, but that attention will also need to be sustained over time. You will have to correct your child upon every instance of the sin rearing its ugly head and turning outwards—there’s no question about that. The harder work now, though, is to get into your child’s heart where this sin is rooted and begin to help your child uproot it so he can put it off. The point of this correction is the same as we have previously established: you are correcting your child to God’s standard for His people; you are putting your child right, standing him up again. In so doing, you are also teaching him to do it for himself.

The kind of correction I am suggesting generally comes into play with older children. When they are two or three years old, they most often need to do what Daddy and Mommy say simply because Daddy and Mommy say. When they are four or five, they benefit from explanations. Teaching now comes alongside training as children become capable of forming understanding of why Daddy and Mommy require certain things. By the time a child is seven or eight years old, he needs to begin to try to understand the motivations of the human heart—starting with and especially his own. By this age, he likely has some pet sins that he needs help putting off. He needs you to help him examine his heart.

Often, at the beginning of correction, we address our children with this ages-old question: “Why did you do that?” We all know what the standard answer to that question is. The question is absurd to start with, and we should never have asked it in the first place. In truth, it is our job as parents to help our children figure out why they did what they did. That is, in fact the point of this steady and thoroughgoing correction, to get at the why. Helping them truthfully answer that question helps them begin to examine the motivations of their own heart so they can make war against their sin nature.

The questions we ask, therefore, have to help our children peel back all the layers until they can see the kernel, the sin in the middle that started their trouble. Jesus was good at this. Think of the rich young ruler who went away sad after his brief exchange with Jesus revealed to the man that he worshipped his own wealth, not God. At other times, Jesus used stories to help sinners see themselves aright. If you are just getting started at this, you might try some of these probing questions first, saving the made-up-on-the-spot parables for when you have become a pro:

What did you do? (Always start here to establish the facts. Children often have missed something very important. Establishing the facts first gets everything else started on a firm foundation.)

Were you angry? (frightened, jealous, etc.)

What were you trying to accomplish?

What did you think would happen?

What did you want to happen?

Who would be pleased by what you did?

Who got hurt by what you did?

Who else was affected and how?

Were you surprised by the result?

How did the other person react?

Why do you think the other person reacted the way they did?

What does God call what you did?

Now, there is no magic in the above words. They are questions designed to get your child talking in a way that helps you peel back the layers. This week, give some thought to other questions that would help you do that. Next time, we’ll talk about where to go from there.