Last time out, we ended our discussion with a list of questions. We established the fact that there is no magic in those questions. They are merely questions that leave space for your child to tell his story in a way that he hasn’t even thought of yet. You can think of other questions like these that will help peel back the layers, and you can change them to fit the moment. The point is to get to the sin that motivated the action. For example, striking someone in anger is a sinful behavior, but oftentimes, there is something else motivating that anger and violence, whether pride or envy or covetousness or something else. If we don’t work to get at that sin that is rooted down in the heart, it is going to continue to manifest itself on the surface somehow—this time it was anger and violence, but next time, it could be something different.  

This kind of correction takes time; it isn’t the work of a few short minutes. Furthermore, this is just the first step. When the layers have all been peeled back, and that root sin is exposed, the real work begins. At this point, you need to take your child to the word of God to see what it has to say about that particular sin. There will probably be multiple passages. Here, you are using God’s words, not your own, to address the particular sin. It is important to call sin by the same name God calls it. Your faithfulness in this makes a space for the Holy Spirit to do what only the Holy Spirit can do, convict your child of this sin. This is where you take your child to the Gospel of Jesus Christ again. Remind him that he has no remedy for sin—there is simply no way he can fix it or make it right on his own. It is for this sin that Jesus went to the cross. And for the child who believes on the Lord Jesus Christ, confessing Him as Lord and Savior, forgiveness of even this sin is available if the child will but confess and repent of it.

Alas! We are but frail flesh and blood, and the war within is lifelong. Old habits die hard, even for the child who has made a tearful confession and promised heartily to put away his sin. You know these things, and that is why you will be making a plan to help your child during the coming days and weeks. Start with a study of several passages of Scripture that address the sin. Many parents find value in rising together with the child extra early to pray and study the Bible together before the rest of the household wakes up. This is meaningful time with each other and with God. Of course, you want to make this battle your child is in against this particular sin a matter of regular, private prayer for you, your spouse and your child. Also, it is wise to have your child memorize at least one brief passage of Scripture that helps him resist temptation. Nothing makes the devil flee like the word of God recited to his face. I always tell children who are struggling with specific sins to wake up each morning with a sword (God’s word) in their hands and a prayer on their lips.

Certainly, a child must learn to recognize temptation when it comes, and it is your job to teach him. This is one of the most important tools you can give him. Here, you will need another series of probing questions to help you both discover where his temptation lies and develop further strategies for resisting it. Perhaps he needs to avoid certain situations or people until he gets stronger. If you can’t resist, run! Most definitely, he needs to know he can go to Dad and Mom, sinner-to-sinner, for help and support.

What has been described here is long, hard work, even tedious work at times, and we’ve only uncovered the tip of the iceberg. But it is work that can be done with great joy because you are doing it with your children whom you love. Being faithful to this kind of correction goes beyond a joyful time with your child, however, it equips him or her to become a man or woman after God’s own heart. To fill in the gaps still remaining in our conversation about correction, I urge you to seek out families who are faithfully practicing biblical parenting and draw near to them. Read Lou Priolo, Tedd Tripp, and Doug Wilson, not the twenty-something girl on social media. Seek out people with grayer hair than yours. Most importantly, be constantly consuming God’s word.